Terima Kasih

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

Merpati Sejoli

Sayang bee~

2-3 menjak ni, sayang u kat i melimpah ruah, i suke~~ =) =)



















nnt later when we're apart (sighh), please remember all the fun & love that we both enjoyed together tau.. the ball, the shopping spree, the tv series, the singing, the sightseeing, the COFFEEs.. and remember that im waiting for u back at our homeland (semi-patiently), waiting for us to be together again formally and for real!


sandarkan pada kenangan okay!

p/s i love u. sabar ye, abis presentation nnt kite jumpe lg =)

2nd Oct

I was stunned, You're so beautiful with the dress Sayang .. I had a great day today, and hope to have more happy day like this..

I love you..

A Scary Phase We Never Want To Experience Again

Sayang!
sigh.. the last few weeks were a nightmare rather than dreamland kan? huhu.. i hope thats all resolved now..

u know what.. i feel soo sad when u started raising ur voice on the phone.. =( u claimed before this that it's hard for you to get mad to others (thats y u ended up doing all the works and got bullied' by others).. then y is it so easy to lose ur temper on me? am i less valuable than your friends/committee? sedihh.. =(

we had a bonding session tonite, and hopefully we'll stay this way forever.. we gotta try our best sayang! i love u soo much i want to enjoy our every minute together~


the lovely smiley gentleman that melted my heart and got me into this 'trouble' of love~




lets work on sticking to our own dreamland like this, forever~

Sigh..

This page is getting lame..

Blame the busyness, blame the world..

Could we just live in our own dreamland,

Enjoying every moment while we can..

I hope that you will understand..

Time is not on our side..

Lovely Card

Hi..

I somehow like the card that she gave me for our monthly anniversary.. Dont you guys wanna read it? =p

Here it goes..

Assalamualaikum..

Happy 2nd month 'anniversary' baby boy!!

6 months ago u were a chipsmore guys yang kejap ada kejap takde (who is the choc chip anyway?) =p

3 months ago u were a suspicious guy that I cant call 'my own' but I cant resist either (Oh pliss.. can u just admit that U've fallen to me agess ago) =p

2 months ago u requested to be a part of my life (hik3)

And since then..

I want to always be with you,.. Till forever

I sayang you.. my hunny bunny, baby boy, sweetie bee =) Mmuahh (see, she kiss me though ive warned her to behave) =p

I love you too sayang.. Dont u think sharing is caring? hek2.. Sorry, the card was so sweet until I cant resist my tempatation to share it here!..

Far

Is.. cepat balik.. i miss you..

Papa called just now. My heart leapt when i heard my mobile ringing, wishing dearly that it was you eventhou i knew it's impossible. It's just that as u never failed to call everyday, i already associate the ringtone with remembering u. dejavu..

Eniway, it's great to receive a call from home jugak. they never failed to make me smile =)

Still, i miss u.. oh plis lah dato whoever, gimme back my Is! =(

Bestmate oh Bestmate

BIG sighh....
Is jahat... dah lama dia suruh kite amik plan Bestmate. Di mana dgn itu saya boleh call dia unlimited dgn harga $6 sebulan. Is dah guna plan ni utk .. emm 5 bulan kot? iaitu 2 minggu sebelum dia balik msia. alaaa time zaman ngorat2 dulu2... time tu semua pun dia sanggup buat kannn.. alasan dia time itu ialah 'saja2 jee.. nnt bila dia balik cni semula dia xrenew lah..' hehehe. pastu kan kan, oleh kerana dia xkenselkan plan tu before balik, it renewed itself. so bila dh balik cni semula dia ckp 'ishkk vodafone ni pegi renewkan automatically pulak'. heeee~ kite kat ujung telefon ni senyuuuum ajelah. suke.. =p

time tu mmg galaklah Is call kite.. bangun2 pagi kene call, subuh punyelah awal (time2 dia alim, alhamdulillah...) then sekali tu kite merungut kot sbb awal sgt (alaaaa time mamai..i dont mean it kot..huhu). lepas tu dia xkejut sgt dah awal subuh (err, mungkin jugak dia pun xbangun kann). sighh.. ade ke patut tuan2? benda baik ni kena la serapkan walaupun kena rungutt.. jgn la merajuk sbb kena rungut cayangg intan payung kuuu...

Isu bestmate ni bermula beberapa hari selepas kami 'official'. hihiii. dia nak saya buat jugak, tp saya xnak. inilah hujah saya
1. buat apeee nk mbazir 6 dollar... Is kan boleh call jeee..
2. kawan kite buat camtu jugak. sorang je ada bestmate. sorg lg kalau nk suro call, text jee. nnt the other person call lah!

sebenarnya hujah saya yg paling penting;
1. saya xtauu bila Is free.. saya takut kalau call then Is x free. maksudnya nnt Is xnak ckp, maksudnya saya rasa kena rejek. aaaa xsukeeee kena rejek!!!! wait2, xsuke itu is an understatement. im more like.. it's an insult for me to be rejected!GGRR!

tp Is degil.

2-3 minggu ni laaaagi menjadi2 degil dia. alasan dia adalah
1. kawan2 dia yg couple, both sides ada bestmate.
2. kalau 1 side je, it's just a fling/scandal.
sighhh Is, awak rasa kite ni cuma nk scandal2 je ke dgn awak??kite ada muka player ke? =(

3. kalau dia merajuk, saya xleh laa nk call dia utk pujuk. ade ke patut dia yg kena call balik?
bukan ke aritu awak kate ini signal awak merajuk. "uu, i nak muffin". then akan ketuk dinding tok tok tok. HAHAHA! funny as! saya mesti gelak guling2 if thts the case cayang!
4. asik diaaa je mendail. dia nk dgr henfon dia berbunyi pulakkk.
haihh. yg ni xdapek la saya nk komen..

Pastu dia merajuk. then one time Is ckp "fine. (time ni kite tarik nafas lega. xsangka pulak ada sambungan ayat lps tu!).tp u kena jugak buat plan tu sebulan sebelum i balik msia. i nk at least sebulan. muktamad." -> huwaaaa diktator!!!

igtkan dh settle. tp bila borak timbul isu tu lg. dan terus meraajuk. dan merajuk.
(without ayat muffin dan ketuk dinding, hehehe).

hmm.. barulah kite faham tindakan orang2 yg dh sayangkan org lain. kadang2 tu,nak xnak kena ikutkan jugak permintaan pasangan walaupun sbnrnya against his/her own principal.

so dgn itu saya pun bukak la plan Bestmate itu.. Is sukee bila kite call, and he asked how do i know he needs me at tht time? =)

oh btw, saya xbuat sbb tpaksa. saya buat sbb saya xnak Is bergundah gulana lagi. kalau itulah yg mbolehkan dia ceria bergelak ketawa, baiklah.. ye, saya akan berdebar2 bila call dia takut dia ckp "xleh cakap lah u, i busy". pastu saya xnak call balik sbb saya dh malu kena rejek. pastu saya jugak takut kalau sbnrnya saya nk call tp saya tunggu dia call, dia pun camtu jugak. last2 2-2 tak call sbb harapkan each other. huwaaaa. pastu camne pulak kalau dia dh bosan saya asik call je?? haa time tu dia sure rasa terbeban. huwaaa lg. pastu ntah2 dia dh bosan dgn saya,so dia dh makin jarang call. dan dia buat alasan 'tunggu u yg call..'. mana saya nk tau dia betul2 tunggu ke, dia bg alasan? =S

oh, (thanks to bestmate),harini saya dengar Is berdengkur! hahaha..kesiannn Bee.. penat sgt buat homwork, stay up sampai subuh. then suruh saya kejut pukul 11.30.. when i did, he (sleepily) picked up the phone, but fell asleep again. so i was like, huh? why is Is not saying anything? i waited for a while just in case he's playing a prank on me. suddenly i heard first a grunt, then soft snores. alalalaa my poor baby penat sangat ni...errr.. alamakk.. maybe i shuldnt 'mengintai' any longer =p so i hung up and called again after 5mins. he finally woke up and didnt have a clue that he picked up the phone and SNORED AT ME. heee~

2 months and counting.. =)

This is us engrossed in our own sweet world =) hihihii dia ni manja sangatt.. sukee sgt disuap2. sighh sigh i miss my baby boy.. =S cepat laaaa abis elektif niiiii

Happy 'Monthiversary' Sayang!! we're 'officially' 2 months old but we'd actually known each other for more than a year, and things had really blossomed for nearly 6 months. so we arent THAT 'mentah', kan Bee kan kan? =p

Is mentioned that he cant wait for our 2 years anniversary (or even better, the double numbers). so that when people ask how long hav we been together, he can say it proudly.. me too~ =) and Is, please make sure that on those anniversaries, *sakura ataupun tidak* we'll stay as romantic as how we will be on our actual honeymoon (now tht we're not married, we cant be THAT romantic kan, hihihiii. brain damage la bagaiii =p )

i miss him. miss his smiles. miss his cheesy words. miss his 'pendekar' face. miss his laugh. cant wait to get back to his side. =)

Menghitung Hari..

Sigh... 8th days without seeing each other, and still counting.. missing our sweet moments together since the 1st second we were apart. i miss u Is! miss u sangat2. tonite was the 1st time i didnt decline your request for video call (did u realize tht?? =p), unfortunately this small town doesnt support the technology. sigh sigh..
now u must be sleeping soundly already as ure so tired (and i do understand that), however i so wish i culd hear ur voice at this moment =S

our maximum record being away from each other was 2 weeks. however this time it will be stretch to 4 weeks. huwaaa how are we going to survive this?? =( sorry Sayang, i know uve made a big sacrifice by giving me a surprise visit last week, but i culdnt do the same thing.. i hav checked the possibility, but the flight & bus timing arent suitable. i culd stay over at the girls in wely before catching a bus back to this town, but i dont want to treat their place like a motel and go there only for a stopover. theyve anticipated my next visit the morning i left a week ago =S

the worse thing is, how are we going to survive the even longer distance next year?? =( =(

p/s Cempaka's missing Is soo bad...

Sour moments =(

Sayang.. lately kite asyik ada hambar moments aje.. kenapa ni..? bila I ingat2 balik..

Last Wednesday: I emo pasal hadiah yg u janjikan -> hehehee ok yg ni mmg I mintak maaf. Bukan sengaja niat I nak buat u pening, tp time tu I geram dgn condition yg u suruh (kiss u on the phone while Askar;yg time tu tgh emo & tak sporting dgn I, was just at the other side of the door) but then mcm nak tak nak je ckp psl hadiah misteri itu. However in the end, that was the best present I ever received =) =)

During the weekend, u were right here beside me and everything else doesn’t matter at all =) Kesiannn u, time ada financial problem pun tetap sampai ke Welly.. plus u never mentioned/complained about ur credit status until after our lovely weekend finished. Although it was strange that u didn’t want to hav breakfast coz ure stil ‘full’, but want to hav an early lunch pulak..? And pandai pulak bg alasan ‘shuld enjoy the msian delicacies while we’re @Welly’, rather thn going to the expensive western restaurant tht we normallly would go for dinner in Chch? Sayang, If only I knew earlier, I would’ve paid for every expense. I really truly would!

And then when im back in this dungeon on Monday, we talked about our future.. sighh as usual, we wont be able to reach a conclusion on the timing. We hang up with a sour feeling and I felt really shitty. But u called back after a while to patch things up. No wonder I love u so much =)

Again, either that night or the next night, I sparked an argument again. I requested u to sing for me, u refused and asked me to sing for u instead coz it’s always u who sang all this while. What??! Arguing about who to sing a song??! Seriously??! Yea, seriously.. sigh..what a waste isn’t it? The call ended after u asking me not to brought that subject up anymore if im not going to sing for u. fine. Sour goodnite again. No whispering sweet nothing, no sweet sentences, no muah2. Sigh.. when we hang up, I lay down in bed for a while, hoping that I’ll feel better soon. I dozed off for ~10mins, and woke up coz u called me back. =) to get & give a goodnite kiss. =)

And then today, sighh again?? how come it is always me tht triggered an issue?? I didn’t mean to upset u.. I only asked u to be visible on feedjit, so that I can see u ‘checking out’ my blog. It felt nice, to see u constantly appearing on feedjit before. But now not anymore coz u removed ur IP from it =s. Sorry if I teased u about constantly ‘stalking’ me in my blog before, but hey.. u teased me all the time and I didn’t take ‘precautions’ not to be teased again, rite? I enjoyed most of ur teasing.. it is funny and sweet when I reviewed them back. thus u shuld feel the same about mine as well.. I never meant to underestimate u, ever.. coz I love u, sayang. Your pain is my pain. But, ehemmm ur sillyness could be my kerekness. Hehehhehhh *evil laugh* =p

Emm.. and then we tried to talk about what we’re good at. Ure good with gestures and talking (perasan niiiiiiiii. Dia mengaku sendiriiii.wekkk =p). Yes I approved that =) Hmm but I failed to think of anything, spontaneously. Coz as u said, im good at writing rather than talking (hehehe alasannnn).

Then (I cant remember how) masuk psl I yg tak reti & xde masa nak masak. Lps kawen nnt, xnak makan luar selalu lah, xnak recycle meals lah, shuldnt expect u to understand & comply with my busyness lah.. sighhh…………. Time management. This is exactly what ive been constantly fearing about- without any solution so far. However it doesn’t help when my own bf raised the same issue. Tht only raised my worries & fear sky-high, and still, no solution. =(

sayangg… my priority is my family ok? When ure a part of my family, u’l also be my priority. I get ur point. I will learn to cook. I am,now. I will be more hardworking. I wil not let u starve. InsyaAllah, we wil work this out when the time comes. Make constant doa to Him, and believe in His love & mercy towards us. Just like the issue of when wil we get married. Theres no point stressing & arguing about it. If it can be fix now, u and I woudlve tried to fixed it. Lets not worry abt something tht we cant change now, the stress and the sour moments are not worth it. I enjoy being with u, let this feeling stays this way forever..

Uu.. dulu2 u penah ckp ‘biasalah, couple, mesti ada gaduh2’. Time tu i jwp tanakkk tanakkk. Skrg pun I stil nak tekankan yg i tak naaakkk..i xnk jd couple ‘biasa’.. I nk jd couple luarbiasa. yg xgaduh2.. kenapa kite kena ikut trend yg biasa tuu?? Walaupun our sour moments only last for less than a day, and usually less than 2hours, tp im still badly affected by it. I rasa gloomy.. xde smgt nak g keje.. frowning.. ish, tak suke!! U suka ke tengok i terseksa mcm ni? =S

Self-Analysis

What im good at..

1)Keeping u on track with study & religion
2)Making u cair with my writings in this blog
3)Being ur diary by listening to ur celoteh everyday
4)Stay by your side, no matter what
5)Ur professional photographer
6)Ur eating-buddy
7)Perengek and pemalu?
8)Golek2 with u? (ehem… this is much much later in life la tapii..wekkk)

Hmm that’s what (I think) I have achieved so far. Any comment/input sayang? =)



Btw, i was updating my other blog when we had our 'sour-moment' this afternoon, sighhh. dont want to tell u just now coz dont want to keep u waiting anxiously. and was at the same time browsing this song, coz i wanna dedicate it to u. enjoy the lyric =).not the video clip & tv series thou,coz it's more abt mom-daughter relationship, hehee~

Mimpi Ngeri =p

honey.. how was ur day? my day wasnt too good today.. sbb last night i had a bad confusing dream, and i want to talk to u about it, but u keep dera me by choosing to watch ocean 11 instead of calling me.. huwaaaaaaa jahat!! =o

ok, the dream was like this.. i live in this big old hostel-like accommodation, and there were a few faces that i knew back from high school living in the same building. also living there (but not in the same room of course) is my boyfriend. guess who?? the voice sounds identically like yours (yay!) but... not the face! OMG! and this person was saying all those lovey-dovey stuff (yes both the malay and english phrase, hihi~) we ehem2 recently seems to enjoy conveying to each other..

what was my reaction?? i was like.. hummm... he sounds sooo like my Hunny Bunny, but he doesnt look familiar at all.... the worse part was, he wasnt attractive!!! bluerggghhhh~~ huhuhuhuuuu camane niii?? the only reason i stayed cool in the dream was bcoz i recognize ur voice.. huhu, sorry hunny i DID 'menduakan' u in my dream last nite, coz i had to respond to his lovey-dovey, kan?? but seriously, i didnt mean what i say at all.. i was like... huh?? do i hav to say this??? jahat ke i ha?

huhu... when i give a good thought about it, i reckon the reason tht i only got ur voice visited my dream bcoz in reality, that is the case.. =s we had talked for hours on the phone but havent really enjoyed each other's presence, thanks to my training schedule. huhuhu~ and when i WAS around chch, there's also other commitmentS that i had to attend to, and i guess our recent time together (last 2 weeks) turned out bad becoz of my time constraint and my bad time management. =( im sorry i'd dissappointed u honey.. as i mentioned b4, if only i culd turned back times, i would hav tried to make that day the most perfect day for us =(

and also a good brownie point for u is that (hihihiii kena la pujuk lepas berlaku curang dalam mimpi kann), u're obviously the opposite side of 'unattractive', bak kata my besmate, "good-looking". haaa kembang2!!! =p i also realize that whatever i says/promised to u, it feels right =) coz it felt sooo wrong when i said t0 that stranger..

i cayang u! =)

Timaru - Sebuah Kisah

We had a great day today..

After weeks of promisses, I finally managed to come down to Timaru, and spend the whole day with my sayang..

Cempaka went back to Christchurch to attend her class.We had a great time sitting at the beach playing monopoly (which I won), Coffee and detox sessions (yes with SSS) at the heart of the 'Chc' City till midnight and then I decided to finish up our great weekend by driving her back to Timaru at 4am in the morning!

Thanks for everything sayang.. I know im making a right choice by loving you, I have no regrets on this. I hope the warmth, the loves, and the excitements will last forever. :)

P/s: I just received a text from her sound like this 'hunny ok tak bus tu? I sayang u tau! :)' .. And yeah im in the bus, sedang menahan muntah dengan menulis entry ini.. Thanks to my high tech 'walkie talkie' (my fon hehe).. Dah 50% ke yang? Hik3

In Summary

Quick Note for Honey =)

Hunny...
thank you very much for my lovely birthday weekend..

I wasnt expecting this much at all! coming back to see you for a while was my only intention, but every minute of it turned out to be a blast =)

I really like the guitar hero u gave me.. speechless was the best description, but in a good way =D now i'll train hard to be your awesome guitarist ya? and u can keep training to be my great singer (not that u havent already ;p)

It's not that i dont want to finish reciting ur poem as well, but that's my yet another speechless moment! however, here i am, acknowledging what u're conveying, and i really appreciate it =)
I realy sayang you too, erm... 12 percent now, can?? ;D

I hope i didnt distort your study plan that much thou.. =S Keep studying hard for your paper tomorrow and tuesday ya.. i'll be making prayers for ur success.

till now, bubbye~~ =)

Ceramah Motivasi

hunny bee~~ =)

sighh.. i feel that ive betrayed and abandoned my other blog, coz i havent write over there for ages.. salah siapa?? salah Mr R!!! =p

hunny... i wish u all the best for your exam. belajar sungguh2.. jgn berangan & ingat i je... =p
eh eh,i mean, boleh la kalau nak ingat.. jgn la sampai jadi adegan berikut....

'who? aku punya gelfren? ummm......... (after 5 mins and after exchanging ur phone number with the new hot girl) OOOHHH ye!! lupa....heheh '

hisk! siap laaaaa kalau camtuuuuuuuu!!! =O

tapii... pelajaran jgn sampai terabai.. time baca buku, fokus. ckp on the phone later xnak lama2 sgt ye? i sukeee ckp 2jam01minit32saat dgn u mcm semalam, tp.... kita kena kurangkan utk 2-3 minggu ni.. let say... maximum sejam je sehari? just for now... lepas exam boleh switch kembali ke mode 'sedang berchenta' kite. hihihiiii~

sebab komitmen u yg lain pun byk and kritikal.. komitmen ngn Tuhan (doa byk2 & sungguh2), groupmate (kalau ada study group), dgn mak (mintak restu & doa dia utk excel dlm exam ni), ngn buku (dampingilah buku anda, jgn gamble jek!)

tp kalau u stress2, dont hesitate to call & tell me.. i'll be right here on the other end of the phone waiting, comforting and making prayers for u~ jgn give up belajar tau.. =)

Ok hunny bunny~ i nak gi masak dinner. dgn malasnye i nak bake pie je, thiihihii.. iyeeeee.. tau la i kena belajar masakkkkk.... i willllllll =p

p/s jumpa on the phone in a few hours tyme!

Insha Allah, and thank you..

ehem.
the last post was the 1st (documented) post by Is, i reckon.. rite Is?? NO!!! the previous two entry- 'a request' was done by him as wellllll... (im not THAT gedik to perasan berdialog sorang2......tak tau la Is macamana kannnnnn =p)

sigh..
Is dah ada infatuation baru sekarang.. her name is Sharifah Sofea. wekkkk! gatal punye mamat! (no,no, im not referring to my cutie anak sedara, Mamat bin Babah ye). She is his definition of cantik? my definition of handsome would always be Hans Isaac. *wink2*

sorry Is.. if just now i made u 'tercucuk'? for a while.. i said that im doubting u, thats y i dont want to express my sayang to u.. and i asked for a 6-months-extension to utter the simple word, sayang. simple ke? i dont think it is. i can say that straightaway if u want, but i want to mean what i say. i want to say it with my heart. from the very bottom of it. so im asking for ur patience to let me slowly develop my trust to u..

hmm..
Is, to be completely honest, i havent recovered completely from the shock and sadness of Thursday night's news about Papa. =( My nature is to take a bad news all by myself and succumb to isolation. I wouldnt be able to seek for a support person straight away. coz.. i dont think that another person will understand what im going through or how it feels being in my shoes. but that night, i was willing to share my pain with u, and i ws glad i did that. eventhough most of the 5mins call were just silence, (and sorry if it was uncomfortable for u), it was comforting to know that u were there for me. however, didnt mean to burden u with my problem, and plis dont feel obligated to do that again..
The next day, i went to the ward with a swollen eyes, but i couldnt be bothered at all as im sure no one hardly notice or care.. then, after i was allowed to go, i was contemplating whether or not to go back to chch as im scared i wont managed being alone at this time around. however, i dont know what can i do in chch either. i dont want to interfere as everyone ( i mean u and my flatmate) will be busy preparing for their exam, so y add their burden?
adding to my worry was my passport and visa. Nauzubillah that i need it now, but i hav to be prepared just in case =(. even thinking of it made me cries even more. i felt so desperate as i was soo alone at tht time. i tried to call immigration using my calling card, but i couldnt access the 01446 number using the hospital phone. so i went to a dairy shop and put 40bucks in my phone (was planning to call from my prepay cellphone as my last resort, which wil cost me a lot), but before that, i changed 10bucks note to coins to try calling the office from the payphone. to my dismay, all the phone booths rquired a special calling cards and wouldnt accept coins! wht kind of tourist place is this?? i drove around town looking for a 'coin' booth but couldnt find any =S
so i parked and dial the number from my cellphone (couldnt be bothered about the cost anymore). things couldnt be more 'perfect', when the operator said that my prepay service cant access a toll-free number. Ya Allah, it was 4pm, the office will be closing soon, and i was running out of options. then my mind clicks (with God's guidance) that as it is a toll-free number, maybe the payphone could support the call even without a card. so i went and all praise to God that i was able to talk to the immigration officer. I didnt plan to start a drama with the operator, but i cant resist but started to cry again when i explained my situation and plead for the process to go faster, just in case for any emergency =(. Alhamdulillah he understand that, explained that to my case manager and direct me to him (i wasnt able to talk straight to the case manager before, as all calls will be screened by the operator 1st). He then promised that he'l make a letter of recommendation and hopefully by monday, my visa will be processed. I couldnt thank him enuff, and he even comforted me and wished me gud luck. I cried soo much after that by myself in Mira, thanking God at the same time for easing my job when im in this much pain and worry...

I called home afterwards and Alhamdullilah, papa is feeling 'allright'. then Yen came over tht nite, which also helped a lot. i didnt tell her about tht at all, we talked about every happy stuff. i wanted to clear my mind of the worries as there's nothing else i can do about that :(
Im sure she will be all supportive if i start talking about it, but i do need a break from an emotional day..]

thank you Is, for stirring my thoughts away too.. uve been very kind and careful when u brought the subject up, and i really appreciate tht. InshaAllah papa will be ok. please make lots of doa for him, i love him soo much..

Everything will be fine =)

Haii

If you read the previous 2 post, wasn't it weired when she proposed to me and she answerd it back? (because both posting were made by chempaka kan kan kan) =p .. A lil bit about chempaka, she is a quite perasan girl ngeh3, and im the shy shy one.. Ahaks! (mati la kite lepas niii)

I reckon she's happily in her dream right now after having a girls night out with friends from Christchurch (haiii).. And what im doing right now at 4am in the morning? Well I had slept for a wee bit before went out with the boys, and when I came back from city, I could not sleep.

My friend suggest me this one drama from tv3, NurKasih. And while waiting for the episode to be downloaded, I write a post here. It is a recommended drama though, you guys should watch it too (Chempaka must laugh berdekah dekah now coz last time I asked her to watch sinderella at tv3 she gave me her sarcastic look) =p But sayang, seriously you should watch whenever you have a free time. The hero is handsome, the heroin so-so, but the co-actress is super cantik =p

Tadaaa.. Presenting Sharifah Sofeaaaaa =p

See, who says montelness is not cantik =)

We havn't heard from each other for more than 24 hours. Chempaka received a visit from her friends this afternoon and I reckon she will hardly get a space to talk to me =( hehe.. But I know she miss me, base on her last sms hikhikhik

Ya Allah gediknya aku


p/s: Sayang, everything will be fine.. Insya Allah papa sihat ya.. And Im glad that you are smiling again =) Take care

the long essay =)

Hi Is.. ;)
Thanks for the previous entry.. =)

First of all, thank you for opening up about u & ur family. That was really touching. What uve been through,make me realize how much I must appreciate my love ones even more.I pray that Allah place your dad among God's blessed ones up there,and over here, He grants blessings and even more strengths to ur family to keep on going. And especially for u, do always remember that over there, he benefits from the deeds and prayers of a pious son. And he would be so proud of u (and your mak) if he sees the son he had nurtured and tutored with all his love and wisdom has now grown up to be a fine gentleman, and I believe, his son is a perfect photostat of himself =)

Is, last (two) nights we talked about when did we 1st noticed each other and when did we actually started liking/'favouring' each other =p. I dont think i made it clear enuf, but if u were only a regular guy, i wont bother telling my friends about u very earlier on (it was only our 2nd texting session!). I felt a bit silly at that time telling them about u,but i cant help feeling excited for no reason..
And further along the track,i even asked my bestest friend back in Msia for her approval when u went back home. I was soo relieved when she thought that u're ok (and good looking =p) =)
U got it right, there might be one or two of my blog's entries last year that were referring to u, but i cant remember exactly which one (and don't make me recall them, pliss!! maluuuu~~)

I noticed u bcoz u were different and well-mannered. But further along,i also noticed that there was a sadness/burdened in u. 'maybe bcoz of all the responsibilities he had to carry?' i thought. remember when i recalled ur frenster's photo when u wrote "they are happy" even though u were in tht photo too? Another one was in a video during ur club's raya open house/hall. I noticed u wore this 'i-want-to-serve-people' look in ur face that it made u looked somehow burdened by it.
I had a sense there was a sorrow in u that u dont deserve to feel. Now (when u wrote about me motivating u) i realized that because of that, I was trying to take that feeling away, subconciously.

Is, there were a few times when i wanted to let u go. to give up that hope. I shut my feeling off coz i dont want to get dissapointed. or get rejected. or left brokenhearted after im willing to open my heart to be occupied. I have this sinister feeling towards men that u guys arent able to appreciate me/women as much as women appreciate their other half. But u keep coming back (which u might not realize), to the point that i gave up shoo-ing u away. honestly, for this few months, i sometimes got scared that ive let u in too far =S

u did owe me a big explaination for what's been going on for there recent months. the long hours of talking, the open-up ness, the sweetness...
Now that u have explained it, i feel more secure. and to your request, the answer is yes.. =)

Is, accepting u as a part of my life is one big decision. I dont know what has been written in the future for us, but im prepared to dream and work for it, with u. =)

p/s call me when u've digest all this, ya? i'll be waiting.. =)

A Request

I havn't written any post for ages. I find it hard to put everything in my mind to this entry. We had a great weekend together, after being apart for a week, and now we are in distance again.




I know I owe you a big explanation after I've said just now. I know the statement I made not convincing enough to enlighten my feelings towards you. And I know I have the full responsibility on what I've said, and turn the words into actions.

I grown up with perfect loves that my parents feed me. The first 8 years of my life were amazing. I can remember every second of it, the loves are in my sight everyday. After Ayah died, my life changed dramatically. I lost a person who taught me everything about life, who spent his days cooking, reading and scolding me, who taught me manners, who asked me to write something on magazine, and wanted me passionately active with communities like him.

Mak tried very hard to take charge of the role that Ayah played so that I did not feel the emptiness. She gave me everything that Ayah promissed, without me fulfilling the conditions that Ayah and I have agreed before. And started from that I realize that I've lost him and I have to endure and live with it.

Being the eldest brother in the family was not easy, especially at the age of 8. My other sibling, Afiq cant cope with the situation. He cried almost every night, wanted his 'susu' as same as what Ayah made, since Ayah always the one who made it for him. Mak could not handle the pressure at the first place, she miscarriaged my sister, who was 4 months at that time.

I knew that I have to be strong. I knew that I have to take the lead. I knew that I have to be a responsible son to my mom. This sense made what I am today. I took the lead on almost everything in every stage of my life. Peoples were referring to me when they had problems, and Im doing everything that I can to help them, or at least a good listener to ease.



But I lost my self dignity when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. I did a mistake for choosing a wrong path to let go all the moment we had together. I lost faith to myself, and was thinking there is no way God will ever forgive me on what I've done. I lost my self-confidence, my self-esteem, until I felt I could not faced anybody else. I felt shame about myself. I was one of the person that people turned to when they had problems, but when I am in their shoes, I handled it worst than them. I was all alone, and nobody was there to share with.



Im glad that finally Mak managed to come and stay with me for few weeks. Hence slowly I regained back my strength, my belief, and my confidence. I realized that one thing that I wont ever do is to disappoint her because she is my strength on everything. She never cried in front of me though deep down I know how lonely she is since Ayah died. And the reason why I am here now is just because of her.



I want to be the old me. A man with a mission, who knows who he wants to be, who can bring the best out of him and the best out of others. I want to have focus in life, and be a good muslim at the same time. The only one other than Mak who can motivate, advise, and make me wonder about life and the lifeafter is you Cempaka. You may not realize it, but you have a special place in my heart.

'Past made who we are now, Present gives us choices to decide who we are, Future..Allah knows better'

I have not personally asking you, and now im requesting it. Do you accept me as part of your life.. ?

.

p/s: thanks to auto save for saving my life. And sorry for bothering you (Chempaka!!) at the middle of 'my action' =p

=)

pix taken during one of our recent detox session
Is, you dh expressed urself just now kat parking warehouse tu..

just checking, are u really serious? =)

Introduction

Kisah taman kami akan dicatatkan di sini~~ =)

p/s saje je tak sabar nak buat post awal2 u, hahaha! ok! i nk pegi berwangi2! u hias taman ni cantik2 tau! =)