the long essay =)

Hi Is.. ;)
Thanks for the previous entry.. =)

First of all, thank you for opening up about u & ur family. That was really touching. What uve been through,make me realize how much I must appreciate my love ones even more.I pray that Allah place your dad among God's blessed ones up there,and over here, He grants blessings and even more strengths to ur family to keep on going. And especially for u, do always remember that over there, he benefits from the deeds and prayers of a pious son. And he would be so proud of u (and your mak) if he sees the son he had nurtured and tutored with all his love and wisdom has now grown up to be a fine gentleman, and I believe, his son is a perfect photostat of himself =)

Is, last (two) nights we talked about when did we 1st noticed each other and when did we actually started liking/'favouring' each other =p. I dont think i made it clear enuf, but if u were only a regular guy, i wont bother telling my friends about u very earlier on (it was only our 2nd texting session!). I felt a bit silly at that time telling them about u,but i cant help feeling excited for no reason..
And further along the track,i even asked my bestest friend back in Msia for her approval when u went back home. I was soo relieved when she thought that u're ok (and good looking =p) =)
U got it right, there might be one or two of my blog's entries last year that were referring to u, but i cant remember exactly which one (and don't make me recall them, pliss!! maluuuu~~)

I noticed u bcoz u were different and well-mannered. But further along,i also noticed that there was a sadness/burdened in u. 'maybe bcoz of all the responsibilities he had to carry?' i thought. remember when i recalled ur frenster's photo when u wrote "they are happy" even though u were in tht photo too? Another one was in a video during ur club's raya open house/hall. I noticed u wore this 'i-want-to-serve-people' look in ur face that it made u looked somehow burdened by it.
I had a sense there was a sorrow in u that u dont deserve to feel. Now (when u wrote about me motivating u) i realized that because of that, I was trying to take that feeling away, subconciously.

Is, there were a few times when i wanted to let u go. to give up that hope. I shut my feeling off coz i dont want to get dissapointed. or get rejected. or left brokenhearted after im willing to open my heart to be occupied. I have this sinister feeling towards men that u guys arent able to appreciate me/women as much as women appreciate their other half. But u keep coming back (which u might not realize), to the point that i gave up shoo-ing u away. honestly, for this few months, i sometimes got scared that ive let u in too far =S

u did owe me a big explaination for what's been going on for there recent months. the long hours of talking, the open-up ness, the sweetness...
Now that u have explained it, i feel more secure. and to your request, the answer is yes.. =)

Is, accepting u as a part of my life is one big decision. I dont know what has been written in the future for us, but im prepared to dream and work for it, with u. =)

p/s call me when u've digest all this, ya? i'll be waiting.. =)