Timaru - Sebuah Kisah

We had a great day today..

After weeks of promisses, I finally managed to come down to Timaru, and spend the whole day with my sayang..

Cempaka went back to Christchurch to attend her class.We had a great time sitting at the beach playing monopoly (which I won), Coffee and detox sessions (yes with SSS) at the heart of the 'Chc' City till midnight and then I decided to finish up our great weekend by driving her back to Timaru at 4am in the morning!

Thanks for everything sayang.. I know im making a right choice by loving you, I have no regrets on this. I hope the warmth, the loves, and the excitements will last forever. :)

P/s: I just received a text from her sound like this 'hunny ok tak bus tu? I sayang u tau! :)' .. And yeah im in the bus, sedang menahan muntah dengan menulis entry ini.. Thanks to my high tech 'walkie talkie' (my fon hehe).. Dah 50% ke yang? Hik3

In Summary

Quick Note for Honey =)

Hunny...
thank you very much for my lovely birthday weekend..

I wasnt expecting this much at all! coming back to see you for a while was my only intention, but every minute of it turned out to be a blast =)

I really like the guitar hero u gave me.. speechless was the best description, but in a good way =D now i'll train hard to be your awesome guitarist ya? and u can keep training to be my great singer (not that u havent already ;p)

It's not that i dont want to finish reciting ur poem as well, but that's my yet another speechless moment! however, here i am, acknowledging what u're conveying, and i really appreciate it =)
I realy sayang you too, erm... 12 percent now, can?? ;D

I hope i didnt distort your study plan that much thou.. =S Keep studying hard for your paper tomorrow and tuesday ya.. i'll be making prayers for ur success.

till now, bubbye~~ =)

Ceramah Motivasi

hunny bee~~ =)

sighh.. i feel that ive betrayed and abandoned my other blog, coz i havent write over there for ages.. salah siapa?? salah Mr R!!! =p

hunny... i wish u all the best for your exam. belajar sungguh2.. jgn berangan & ingat i je... =p
eh eh,i mean, boleh la kalau nak ingat.. jgn la sampai jadi adegan berikut....

'who? aku punya gelfren? ummm......... (after 5 mins and after exchanging ur phone number with the new hot girl) OOOHHH ye!! lupa....heheh '

hisk! siap laaaaa kalau camtuuuuuuuu!!! =O

tapii... pelajaran jgn sampai terabai.. time baca buku, fokus. ckp on the phone later xnak lama2 sgt ye? i sukeee ckp 2jam01minit32saat dgn u mcm semalam, tp.... kita kena kurangkan utk 2-3 minggu ni.. let say... maximum sejam je sehari? just for now... lepas exam boleh switch kembali ke mode 'sedang berchenta' kite. hihihiiii~

sebab komitmen u yg lain pun byk and kritikal.. komitmen ngn Tuhan (doa byk2 & sungguh2), groupmate (kalau ada study group), dgn mak (mintak restu & doa dia utk excel dlm exam ni), ngn buku (dampingilah buku anda, jgn gamble jek!)

tp kalau u stress2, dont hesitate to call & tell me.. i'll be right here on the other end of the phone waiting, comforting and making prayers for u~ jgn give up belajar tau.. =)

Ok hunny bunny~ i nak gi masak dinner. dgn malasnye i nak bake pie je, thiihihii.. iyeeeee.. tau la i kena belajar masakkkkk.... i willllllll =p

p/s jumpa on the phone in a few hours tyme!

Insha Allah, and thank you..

ehem.
the last post was the 1st (documented) post by Is, i reckon.. rite Is?? NO!!! the previous two entry- 'a request' was done by him as wellllll... (im not THAT gedik to perasan berdialog sorang2......tak tau la Is macamana kannnnnn =p)

sigh..
Is dah ada infatuation baru sekarang.. her name is Sharifah Sofea. wekkkk! gatal punye mamat! (no,no, im not referring to my cutie anak sedara, Mamat bin Babah ye). She is his definition of cantik? my definition of handsome would always be Hans Isaac. *wink2*

sorry Is.. if just now i made u 'tercucuk'? for a while.. i said that im doubting u, thats y i dont want to express my sayang to u.. and i asked for a 6-months-extension to utter the simple word, sayang. simple ke? i dont think it is. i can say that straightaway if u want, but i want to mean what i say. i want to say it with my heart. from the very bottom of it. so im asking for ur patience to let me slowly develop my trust to u..

hmm..
Is, to be completely honest, i havent recovered completely from the shock and sadness of Thursday night's news about Papa. =( My nature is to take a bad news all by myself and succumb to isolation. I wouldnt be able to seek for a support person straight away. coz.. i dont think that another person will understand what im going through or how it feels being in my shoes. but that night, i was willing to share my pain with u, and i ws glad i did that. eventhough most of the 5mins call were just silence, (and sorry if it was uncomfortable for u), it was comforting to know that u were there for me. however, didnt mean to burden u with my problem, and plis dont feel obligated to do that again..
The next day, i went to the ward with a swollen eyes, but i couldnt be bothered at all as im sure no one hardly notice or care.. then, after i was allowed to go, i was contemplating whether or not to go back to chch as im scared i wont managed being alone at this time around. however, i dont know what can i do in chch either. i dont want to interfere as everyone ( i mean u and my flatmate) will be busy preparing for their exam, so y add their burden?
adding to my worry was my passport and visa. Nauzubillah that i need it now, but i hav to be prepared just in case =(. even thinking of it made me cries even more. i felt so desperate as i was soo alone at tht time. i tried to call immigration using my calling card, but i couldnt access the 01446 number using the hospital phone. so i went to a dairy shop and put 40bucks in my phone (was planning to call from my prepay cellphone as my last resort, which wil cost me a lot), but before that, i changed 10bucks note to coins to try calling the office from the payphone. to my dismay, all the phone booths rquired a special calling cards and wouldnt accept coins! wht kind of tourist place is this?? i drove around town looking for a 'coin' booth but couldnt find any =S
so i parked and dial the number from my cellphone (couldnt be bothered about the cost anymore). things couldnt be more 'perfect', when the operator said that my prepay service cant access a toll-free number. Ya Allah, it was 4pm, the office will be closing soon, and i was running out of options. then my mind clicks (with God's guidance) that as it is a toll-free number, maybe the payphone could support the call even without a card. so i went and all praise to God that i was able to talk to the immigration officer. I didnt plan to start a drama with the operator, but i cant resist but started to cry again when i explained my situation and plead for the process to go faster, just in case for any emergency =(. Alhamdulillah he understand that, explained that to my case manager and direct me to him (i wasnt able to talk straight to the case manager before, as all calls will be screened by the operator 1st). He then promised that he'l make a letter of recommendation and hopefully by monday, my visa will be processed. I couldnt thank him enuff, and he even comforted me and wished me gud luck. I cried soo much after that by myself in Mira, thanking God at the same time for easing my job when im in this much pain and worry...

I called home afterwards and Alhamdullilah, papa is feeling 'allright'. then Yen came over tht nite, which also helped a lot. i didnt tell her about tht at all, we talked about every happy stuff. i wanted to clear my mind of the worries as there's nothing else i can do about that :(
Im sure she will be all supportive if i start talking about it, but i do need a break from an emotional day..]

thank you Is, for stirring my thoughts away too.. uve been very kind and careful when u brought the subject up, and i really appreciate tht. InshaAllah papa will be ok. please make lots of doa for him, i love him soo much..

Everything will be fine =)

Haii

If you read the previous 2 post, wasn't it weired when she proposed to me and she answerd it back? (because both posting were made by chempaka kan kan kan) =p .. A lil bit about chempaka, she is a quite perasan girl ngeh3, and im the shy shy one.. Ahaks! (mati la kite lepas niii)

I reckon she's happily in her dream right now after having a girls night out with friends from Christchurch (haiii).. And what im doing right now at 4am in the morning? Well I had slept for a wee bit before went out with the boys, and when I came back from city, I could not sleep.

My friend suggest me this one drama from tv3, NurKasih. And while waiting for the episode to be downloaded, I write a post here. It is a recommended drama though, you guys should watch it too (Chempaka must laugh berdekah dekah now coz last time I asked her to watch sinderella at tv3 she gave me her sarcastic look) =p But sayang, seriously you should watch whenever you have a free time. The hero is handsome, the heroin so-so, but the co-actress is super cantik =p

Tadaaa.. Presenting Sharifah Sofeaaaaa =p

See, who says montelness is not cantik =)

We havn't heard from each other for more than 24 hours. Chempaka received a visit from her friends this afternoon and I reckon she will hardly get a space to talk to me =( hehe.. But I know she miss me, base on her last sms hikhikhik

Ya Allah gediknya aku


p/s: Sayang, everything will be fine.. Insya Allah papa sihat ya.. And Im glad that you are smiling again =) Take care

the long essay =)

Hi Is.. ;)
Thanks for the previous entry.. =)

First of all, thank you for opening up about u & ur family. That was really touching. What uve been through,make me realize how much I must appreciate my love ones even more.I pray that Allah place your dad among God's blessed ones up there,and over here, He grants blessings and even more strengths to ur family to keep on going. And especially for u, do always remember that over there, he benefits from the deeds and prayers of a pious son. And he would be so proud of u (and your mak) if he sees the son he had nurtured and tutored with all his love and wisdom has now grown up to be a fine gentleman, and I believe, his son is a perfect photostat of himself =)

Is, last (two) nights we talked about when did we 1st noticed each other and when did we actually started liking/'favouring' each other =p. I dont think i made it clear enuf, but if u were only a regular guy, i wont bother telling my friends about u very earlier on (it was only our 2nd texting session!). I felt a bit silly at that time telling them about u,but i cant help feeling excited for no reason..
And further along the track,i even asked my bestest friend back in Msia for her approval when u went back home. I was soo relieved when she thought that u're ok (and good looking =p) =)
U got it right, there might be one or two of my blog's entries last year that were referring to u, but i cant remember exactly which one (and don't make me recall them, pliss!! maluuuu~~)

I noticed u bcoz u were different and well-mannered. But further along,i also noticed that there was a sadness/burdened in u. 'maybe bcoz of all the responsibilities he had to carry?' i thought. remember when i recalled ur frenster's photo when u wrote "they are happy" even though u were in tht photo too? Another one was in a video during ur club's raya open house/hall. I noticed u wore this 'i-want-to-serve-people' look in ur face that it made u looked somehow burdened by it.
I had a sense there was a sorrow in u that u dont deserve to feel. Now (when u wrote about me motivating u) i realized that because of that, I was trying to take that feeling away, subconciously.

Is, there were a few times when i wanted to let u go. to give up that hope. I shut my feeling off coz i dont want to get dissapointed. or get rejected. or left brokenhearted after im willing to open my heart to be occupied. I have this sinister feeling towards men that u guys arent able to appreciate me/women as much as women appreciate their other half. But u keep coming back (which u might not realize), to the point that i gave up shoo-ing u away. honestly, for this few months, i sometimes got scared that ive let u in too far =S

u did owe me a big explaination for what's been going on for there recent months. the long hours of talking, the open-up ness, the sweetness...
Now that u have explained it, i feel more secure. and to your request, the answer is yes.. =)

Is, accepting u as a part of my life is one big decision. I dont know what has been written in the future for us, but im prepared to dream and work for it, with u. =)

p/s call me when u've digest all this, ya? i'll be waiting.. =)

A Request

I havn't written any post for ages. I find it hard to put everything in my mind to this entry. We had a great weekend together, after being apart for a week, and now we are in distance again.




I know I owe you a big explanation after I've said just now. I know the statement I made not convincing enough to enlighten my feelings towards you. And I know I have the full responsibility on what I've said, and turn the words into actions.

I grown up with perfect loves that my parents feed me. The first 8 years of my life were amazing. I can remember every second of it, the loves are in my sight everyday. After Ayah died, my life changed dramatically. I lost a person who taught me everything about life, who spent his days cooking, reading and scolding me, who taught me manners, who asked me to write something on magazine, and wanted me passionately active with communities like him.

Mak tried very hard to take charge of the role that Ayah played so that I did not feel the emptiness. She gave me everything that Ayah promissed, without me fulfilling the conditions that Ayah and I have agreed before. And started from that I realize that I've lost him and I have to endure and live with it.

Being the eldest brother in the family was not easy, especially at the age of 8. My other sibling, Afiq cant cope with the situation. He cried almost every night, wanted his 'susu' as same as what Ayah made, since Ayah always the one who made it for him. Mak could not handle the pressure at the first place, she miscarriaged my sister, who was 4 months at that time.

I knew that I have to be strong. I knew that I have to take the lead. I knew that I have to be a responsible son to my mom. This sense made what I am today. I took the lead on almost everything in every stage of my life. Peoples were referring to me when they had problems, and Im doing everything that I can to help them, or at least a good listener to ease.



But I lost my self dignity when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. I did a mistake for choosing a wrong path to let go all the moment we had together. I lost faith to myself, and was thinking there is no way God will ever forgive me on what I've done. I lost my self-confidence, my self-esteem, until I felt I could not faced anybody else. I felt shame about myself. I was one of the person that people turned to when they had problems, but when I am in their shoes, I handled it worst than them. I was all alone, and nobody was there to share with.



Im glad that finally Mak managed to come and stay with me for few weeks. Hence slowly I regained back my strength, my belief, and my confidence. I realized that one thing that I wont ever do is to disappoint her because she is my strength on everything. She never cried in front of me though deep down I know how lonely she is since Ayah died. And the reason why I am here now is just because of her.



I want to be the old me. A man with a mission, who knows who he wants to be, who can bring the best out of him and the best out of others. I want to have focus in life, and be a good muslim at the same time. The only one other than Mak who can motivate, advise, and make me wonder about life and the lifeafter is you Cempaka. You may not realize it, but you have a special place in my heart.

'Past made who we are now, Present gives us choices to decide who we are, Future..Allah knows better'

I have not personally asking you, and now im requesting it. Do you accept me as part of your life.. ?

.

p/s: thanks to auto save for saving my life. And sorry for bothering you (Chempaka!!) at the middle of 'my action' =p

=)

pix taken during one of our recent detox session
Is, you dh expressed urself just now kat parking warehouse tu..

just checking, are u really serious? =)

Introduction

Kisah taman kami akan dicatatkan di sini~~ =)

p/s saje je tak sabar nak buat post awal2 u, hahaha! ok! i nk pegi berwangi2! u hias taman ni cantik2 tau! =)